the start of a new chapter....

After 1 year 7 months and 3 weeks waiting for a paper ready referral
after 198 days since i accepted the referral of Baby t
after many tears
after having to tell emilio baby T is not coming home and hearing him painful cry
after trying to help mend emilios broken heart and help him heal
after many more tears
after the different stages of greiving and alot of anger
after single momma palooza
after more tears and anger
after trying to mend my own heart
after more tears and crying for baby t as well as the other Ajuuja families
After having to officially say good to baby t and many more tears and heartache

I received and accepted a referral of a little girl.
she is tiny, she is precious, she has cubby cheeks and is so adorable.
after all this i am now starting over again.

I will never be able to….

 

 

feed him about veggies

 

Teach him to drive

Teach him he has a wonderful grandma that loves him and would spoil him rotten..

I will not be able to take him to his first concert,,,

grandma grandma that loves him..

  

Teach him about his Great grandpa/pops 

Tell him about Grandpa grandpa that love him and says his name often…

Take t to the park…

family traditions and culture…

Take him on vacation…

Take him to parades…

I can never bring baby t home to his room with emilio. 

or give him birthday parties with his family….

These are all things that i have dreamed about doing with Baby t and will now never be able to do.  We will always love you baby t.  we waited prayed, waited more, worked very hard to get people to do the things they need to do.   I will always love you,your brother will always love you,  your family will always love you.  This is the hardest thing I ever had to do was say goodbye before i could ever tell you that I loved You. 

149 days AND.... an unhappy ending...

149 days!!!!!149 days and i have decided to give up my referral. The paperwork has not been signed. The agency gave me until Monday to decide on what to do. I cannot live like this and i cannot expect Emilio to live like this either. I have been in limbo, a rollercoaster, like i am on a crazy train out of control. No more!!! I will not be let down every friday with the paperwork still not signed and i will not sit on the edge of my chair waiting for monday and what will happen next. I will not play this no longer I Am DONE!!!
I am going through the stages of greiving this week and I am currently in the anger stage. I cannot say too much since it can and will be held against me!!

waiting still for 133 days......

... AND THEY STILL CANNOT GET MY PAPERWORK SIGNED SO I CAN EVEN BE SUBMITTED TO COURT. COME ON!!!

PAY IT FORWARD

Well this has been a wild ride with this adoption. It has been a year and 1/2 waiting for a referral and now 120+ days waiting for my file to be signed off. I can not proceed with my adoption without finding out first if the the child that i was referred is even adoptable. The process of adoption is not all rainbows and unicorns. IF you only want to see that side of adoption please do not read any further on this blog.
PLEASE DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH on the ever changing process of adoption. Ask the questions that you know are hard to answer, ASK and keep asking until you get an answer. I have started researching since before adopting Emilio and I am still doing it. ASK others adoptive families with your agency and with other agencies. ASK!!!!!!
Dont let others tell you I only want to hear the good side and not the bad. Adoption is a emotional and physical rollercoaster. If anyone tells you it needs to all be sunny, SORRY, life is not all sunny and happy. Life is HARD, my work as a nurse is HARD, my adoption had been really HARD. I have found wonderful adoption families that support me and I love them so much. I have my single adoptive mommy friends, others with my agency and others from my daily life. I dont know what i would do without their support. Their support has been a life saver. I have needed it in the 120+ days of living in limbo.
There are true angelic heros that walk amoung us. These heros have help my child greatly very recently. I can nerver say how greatful I truely am for their kindness and generosity. I cannot talk about this in detail at this time. But When i travel I will be paying it forward.

108 days and still waiting…..

Well we are at 108 days and still waiting to be submitted to court.  Yes you read right,  I am STILL waiting to be submitted to court.  I dont even know where to start.  So I wont.   To keep us busy i have been trying to get out of the house and do things with Emilio.  Saturday mornings of us being together and going somewhere, ANYWHERE TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL FOR A LITTLE WHILE.   

We went to the local discovery center.  It is wonderful place a nice getaway on saturday and just 5 minutes away. 

 

We went with our friend Nora and lilly to the cow farm.  We had a blast. 

 

 

 

 

 

lilly trying to climb the wall.  good try lilly. 

just had to throw in the first day of 2nd yr pre school.  I love his school and his teachers.  They have handled Emilio wonderfully. 

 

We just went to the local apple orchard that has a little of everything.  We did not pick any apples this year but had a nice time playing.  It is also just 5 minutes away.

 

 

 

This is my wonderful god father Julio that was working at the apple orchard and gave us a ride around the orchard on his tracker.  Emilio had a blast. 

How can i tell this face that we CAN and MIGHT  loose the referral of brother??

I am not one to air my issues on this blog.  So i wont now. 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

 

yep, this is what we have both been doing. 

the face of waiting

 

this is how i feel lately.  10 weeks post referral and still not submitted to court.  so while i wait i decided to buy my dream camera.  yes, i did it!!! i got a canon rebel eos T2i, with hd video.  oooooh i am in love.  i have not done anything exciting since i gave up my summer vacation for court travel( when i get a date.)  The weather has also been crappy and rainy so we cannot  play much outside. 

so we both have felt like doing this while we wait.

trying out his new big boy car seat.  he has to gain about 5 more pounds and grow 2 more inches before he meets the size requirement for this car seat. 

a few long hot baths or showers to make us smile,

a lot of roaring and asking the questions they dont like to be asked. 

alot of asking what is up with this??

a little relaxing and talking with friends

wanting to curl up and hide from the world

sitting inside and watching the rain

and just wanting to hide under the table some days

alot of playing, joking and laughing,

a little dancing in the rain,

a little blanket time,

and lots of acting goody just to make each other laugh,

the waiting game,

i am still waiting to be submitted to court. It has been now 8 weeks and i have not been submitted. This mean i will not get a court date anytime soon. the courts close for the rainy season. The court are closed from Aug 8 until Oct 18. So i do not hold out much hope for Baby T to be home before the end of the year. I do not hold out much hope for a court date before thanksgiving.

So here are some pictures of Emilio just because we need something to brighten my day.

pink and green dotS!!

 

there are a billon pink and green vinyl dots for sale new in container,  $20, shipping not included.

MINI ABBY

SOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CUTE FAIRY DOLL,

 

This doll is adorable!! i dont want to sell it but i think it is a little too girly for my boys.  My price $25.00 SHIPPING NOT INCLUDED. 

lil peoples

 

for sale new in box.  $12.00, SHIPPING NOT INCLUDED.

cute hat in pink

 

This is a cute knit hat in pink.  New, my price $10.00 shipping not included.  but should ship for little $$